She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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