I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Operation Purity has been aborted
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
