You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
