Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
