I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
