so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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