just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
