I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
there is puke in my bra ... again
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
