no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
