I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
