i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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