Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
