Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
