It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
