Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
