Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
