I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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