No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
