Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
