I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
foreskin is a definite game changer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
