this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
