Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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