The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize