And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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