What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
