somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
