after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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