in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
