a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
