Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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