My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alive.
So much puke
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my liver is dry heaving
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
