I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize