I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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