dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
