yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
