There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
