lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
