I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
