naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
