I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
