We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
