end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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