Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
