They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
