i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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