I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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