I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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