I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
