booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize