After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
