I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
