Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize