People in love make me want to vomit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
