Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
