I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
