the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
