ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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