I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
