if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
