you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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