i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Shame is for Republicans.
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