I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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