Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
