I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
