His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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