did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
