dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
