I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
