I feel great
I just peed on a car
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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