Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
