walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
