I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
