just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
