He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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